Quieting the judge in your head
Disney specializes in taking serious and heavy concepts and making them light and funny. It was no surprise to see this one played out on the screen as I watched the movie, Luca, in my living room next to my sons.
In the movie, the main character is a sea creature who decides he’d rather live amongst the humans on land. He begins to discover the joys of life with feet instead of fins. In doing so, he finds himself sitting atop a large hill in Italy on a homemade Vespa, staring down at the bottom. He knows that should he choose to ride down the hill, he will feel freedom and joy, but instead, he sits at the top, paralyzed by fear. His good friend, Alberto, teaches him how to silence the fear inside of him by talking back to it and giving it a name. He offers this catchy command, “Silenzio, Bruno!” and tells Luca he should use it whenever he feels afraid. Luca repeats the mantra and off he goes down the hill, on the joyride of his life.
As you can guess, the movie continues with Luca powerfully wielding that phrase, “Silenzio, Bruno!” whenever he faces a new challenge. Thanks to its use, he becomes the courageous hero of the story instead of a cowardly failure. Bravo, Disney.
Let’s talk about this Bruno. We all have a Bruno.
It’s that little voice inside that criticizes you, especially when you’re facing something new and exciting like a promotion, or something uncertain, like a merger. It tells you that you’re not good enough or you don’t belong where you are. It says that everyone else has figured it out and you haven’t or that there’s no way you will succeed. It keeps you sitting atop the hill on your beautiful Vespa instead of taking a risk and soaring down.
How sad it would be to never ride down hills.
Bruno must be silenced.
Steve Black, Senior Human Resources Manager and Partner at Brixey & Meyer calls this voice The Judge. He says The Judge is an expert at telling crippling lies to us that are rooted in fear instead of reality. It speaks in first person and says things like, “I don’t know what I’m talking about,” or “Nobody understands what I’m going through,” or “What if nobody likes this?” It focuses on common fears, such as:
- People pleasing
- Losing security
- Being uncomfortable
These fears motivate decisions and often hold leaders back from the God-given potential they have. It keeps leaders at the top of the hill instead of soaring down toward their next big accomplishment.
Steve offers 3 powerful ways to silence The Judge in your head, unmask the fear underneath, and fulfill your potential as a leader.
- Recognize the voice of The Judge: In the movie, Luca gives The Judge in his head a name, Bruno. In doing this, he separates himself from Bruno. Once he does that, he can identify when its Bruno in his head instead of himself. He begins to recognize the feeling of fear and what Bruno is saying when he feels afraid. It becomes clear that Bruno is a liar and a saboteur, keeping Luca from fulfilling his calling. Bruno, however, disappears whenever Luca responds with “Silenzio!”
- Talk Back to The Judge: Luca told Bruno to be quiet. “Silenzio!” It was strong and quick and had immediate positive results. Unfortunately, it’s not that easy, thanks Disney. We must talk to The Judge over and over. It’ll feel weird at first, but Steve says it just takes practice. You have to say concrete things like, “I am good at this. I can do this. I have been given what I need to be successful. I am not alone.” Once you recognize The Judge, don’t let it keep talking, silence it!
- Live it Out: This takes practice and will feel hard at first. You may begin to identify The Judge and feel as if you are powerless to stand up against it. Don’t stop trying. Steve talks about the ability to stand up to The Judge like a person who is attempting to become a runner. Starting is painful and frustrating but little by little, you get better, stronger, faster and healthier. Pretty soon, you can look back and see the progress you’ve made. Steve calls this, creating habits of the mind. He also offers a few practical other things to do if The Judge is seems to be winning.
- If you are in the middle of a conversation and you begin to spiral into fear or discouragement, divert it away from yourself. Ask the other person a question. Curiosity triggers a new part of the brain and can help you navigate out of the fear.
- Rub your forefinger and thumb together. Feeling your fingerprints engages the senses and sparks a different part of your brain.
- Take deep breaths. This slows the heart and clears your mind, grounding your thoughts and calming your nervous system.
- Consider journaling on a regular basis so you can begin to see patterns that might help you identify The Judge and the common phrases it says to you.
Though it’s a battle in your own mind, you don’t have to do it alone. Partner with another leader. Talk to that person about The Judge, listen to his or her struggles, and agree to help one another. It’s hard to be vulnerable at first, but don’t stop. Reach out to us at IOL. We’re here to listen, help and get you connected.
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This post is based on the IOL Podcast #168: Leadership Common Fears with Steve Black. Check it out!
Author: Ashley Buenger
