How To Choose What You Have: That Grass Over There Ain’t Any Greener

The Dependent Social Style: Are you a 1, 2, or 6 on the Enneagram?   If you have been told that you are sometimes quiet in social situations and bold and outgoing in others, that you seem to be the first to move toward others, or that you are often a rule follower, then perhaps you are one of these three numbers.    This grouping of types is known as the dependent social stance. They are the ones that "move with or toward the world." These numbers wait to see what is happening around them and then act depending on what seems to be needed.   Those in this group of numbers act or feel first and think about it later; this is sometimes referred to as "thinking repressed." Each number does it differently, but it is a common denominator.    According to the Enneagram, we are all beings that think, feel and act, but we all do one of these things first, and one of these things last. So these numbers think last, or, in the case of Type 6, they think so much that they often aren't productive with their thinking and get caught in a circuitous tornado of internal dialogue.   Finally, these numbers are known for allowing the present to inform them more than the past or the future. They often act on the moment.   Each number on the Enneagram is described below in healthy space, average space, and unhealthy space. We move into these spaces back and forth, freely, as if on a spectrum.    Of course, some may spend more time in unhealthy or healthy spaces than others, but regardless, the path to transformation begins by being aware of these things.   These are basic introductions to the 1, 2, and 6.   Type 1: The Reformer    Those who are a Type 1 on the Enneagram have the need to be perfect. As children, they felt they weren't valuable unless they were good. This led to them avoiding mistakes in all facets of life and striving for perfection. In addition, they often felt like they needed to be the "hero" of the family, which led to shouldering lots of responsibility at a young age.   At their best, people who are a Type 1 have a vision for how things could be. They are great at seeing things in an improved state and work to make that happen. They make order out of chaos and provide hope to others who don't have the same vision that they do. They are hard workers and complete the tasks that they are given. They are honest, ethical, and reliable.   When they are in average space, they may be bogged down by the weight of their idealism. They may be highly critical and quick to judge others. But, on the other hand, they may act aloof and self-righteous, assuming they are better than others because of their high morals.   In an unhealthy space, they respond sharply and quickly to others in a judgmental manner that is condescending. They can be uptight, impatient, and preachy. They project their perfectionism on others and have incredibly high expectations of themselves and others.   Type 1's are considered thinking repressed because they act out of their moralistic need to do the "right" thing first. But, unfortunately, they do this before they think through what is their responsibility and what isn't.   You might be a Type 1 if you: Are naturally good at making improvements on things that already exist Feel as if you live with a judge inside your head that is highly critical of you Tend to see the world as black and white Find that your principles and ideals are very important to you   Have a coworker who might be a Type 1? You can care for that person by: Understanding that they have a harsh judge in their heads and sometimes their criticality comes from their expectations of themselves, not of you Enlisting their help when something needs improvement Encouraging them to let go of their high expectations, especially if they are unrealistic     Type 2: The Helper   Those who are a Type 2 on the Enneagram are motivated by the need to feel needed. When they were younger, they felt loved and accepted when they met other people's needs. This led to a significant role reversal in which the child took on parental duties. Often, their needs were overlooked, so they began to believe their needs were unimportant.   At their best, people who are Type 2 are genuine and loving. They are aware of others' needs and are willing to meet them without ulterior motives. They are also good at voicing their own needs. They are warm, relational, intuitive, and quick to show compassion. They have healthy boundaries and are aware when they have helped enough.   Type 2's can obsess about their relationships when they are in average space. They begin to define themselves by them. They "people-please" to gain relational equity and flatter others with the hope of being flattered in return. However, they fear that whatever they are doing is not enough.   In an unhealthy space, 2's are prideful about what they do for others. They think that their ability to help makes them better than others. They also take on a "savior" role in people's lives and begin to attach themselves to those that are "needy." They can be intrusive, demanding, manipulative and annoying. Finally, they become angry if their help isn't accepted.   Type 2's are considered thinking repressed because they usually sense or feel how others are doing first, then act on their feelings, before thinking through whether or not their help is needed or wanted.   You might be a type 2 if you: Upon entering a room, you think about the needs of the people in the room before anything else Spend a lot of time thinking about other people and your relationship with them Are highly attuned to your feelings and comfortable expressing them Realize that sometimes you are pleasing people to win them over   Have a coworker who might be a Type 2? You can care for that person by: Asking them about their needs and encouraging them to express them Showing genuine concern and care for them, especially when it's not in response to something they just did to help you Not taking advantage of their willingness to help by asking them to do too much   Type 6: The Loyalist   Those who are a Type 6 on the Enneagram need safety and security. They often came from unpredictable or unsafe environments as children. This leads them to believe that the world is dangerous and scary, and they have trouble trusting that they can keep themselves safe.   At their best, Type 6's are very loyal friends. Once they trust someone, they are committed to their relationship with that person. Highly inquisitive and thoughtful in their question-asking, 6's love defining things and are the most dependable people you know. They are good planners and quick thinkers. They also have courage when it comes to new and unpredictable situations.   Type 6's are uncertain of themselves when they are in average space. They get stuck in spiraling thought patterns in their heads, leading to increased anxiety and fear. Because they don't trust themselves, they either blindly follow authority figures or rebel against them.   In unhealthy spaces, 6's can exhibit paranoia and debilitating anxiety. They can also be pessimistic, anticipating the worst-case scenario in any situation. They are highly skeptical of others. Type 6's can exhibit their fears as highly aggressive in response.   Type 6's are big thinkers. They need to think through situations before they occur. However, due to their anxiety about security, their thoughts can spiral in a way that keeps them repeating thought patterns without taking any action.   You might be a Type 6 if you: Are good at anticipating many different scenarios and planning for each of them Find you wait for people to "earn" your trust before you become their friend Seem to battle a lot of anxiety about what could happen Don't like having a lot of responsibility, especially in situations that require a lot of decision making   Have a coworker who might be a Type 6? You can care for that person by: Listening to them when they need to talk about the things that make them anxious Not dismissing them when they are standoffish, especially if it's in a first meeting Giving them all the information that you have about a task that you are asking them to complete, then patiently answering all their questions   If you felt uncomfortable while reading about the 1, 2, or 6, then perhaps that number describes you. Once you identify this, please reach out, and we can dive deeper into the number that might represent you.   Identifying and learning about your number is a noble task and not an easy one. It can feel confusing and downright off-putting at first. However, as you continue to observe yourself through the lens of the Enneagram and begin to understand more about yourself, you will grow in compassion and empathy toward yourself, which will impact those around you.   It's a journey worth taking.   Need more?  Listen to Ashley's podcast interview about the Enneagram. Check out our YouTube and LinkedIn pages for more encouraging content.   If you’re looking to take your growth as a leader to the next level, we’ve got you covered. Join the Impact of Leadership Community today!

The Withdrawing Social Style: Are you a 4, 5, or 9 on the Enneagram?   If you have been told that you are sometimes quiet, that it's hard to tell what you are thinking or feeling, or that you stay on the periphery until someone else includes you, then perhaps you are one of these three numbers.    This grouping of types is known as the withdrawing social stance. They are the ones that "move away" from the world. These numbers often accept the world without exerting their own will and force onto it.   This group of numbers is also known for choosing not to take action. Or in some cases, taking action but not the best course of action. This is sometimes referred to as "doing repressed." According to the Enneagram, we are all beings that think, feel and act, but we all do one of these things first, and one of these things last.    These withdrawing numbers act last, or, in the case of Type 9, they take all the "other" actions they can before doing the ones that are really needed at the time. They have trouble prioritizing.   Finally, these numbers are known for allowing the past to inform them more than the present or the future. As a result, they often dwell on the past more than the other types.   Each number on the Enneagram is described below in healthy space, average space, and unhealthy space.  We move into these spaces back and forth, freely, as if on a spectrum. Of course, some may spend more time in unhealthy or healthy spaces than others, but regardless, the path to transformation begins by being aware of these things.   These are basic introductions to the 4, 5, and 9.   Type 4: The Romantic  Those who are a Type 4 on the Enneagram need to be unique. They feel intense emotions. Due to this, when they were younger, they often sensed that their feelings were "too much" for others.    They also perceived themselves to be very different than their caregivers. This led to a feeling of isolation. They found safety in a fantasy world in their heads where they romanticized their lives, often choosing this world instead of reality.   At their best, people who are Type 4 possess a heightened sense of beauty in the world, especially in nature. They can also see how they were made beautifully and uniquely different than others, celebrating these differences. In addition, they have fantastic imaginations, are creative and artistic, and can be highly attuned to others' emotions and their own.   They may have a prolonged sense of melancholy when they are in average space, retreating into themselves and wallowing in their feelings. They focus on their understanding of suffering and separate themselves from others due to it. They search for something to fill a perceived void, becoming increasingly despondent when they don't find it.   4's are moody and exaggerated or dramatic about their feelings in an unhealthy space. They can hold grudges and nurse their wounds. They can be short and sarcastic, looking down on anything they deem "ordinary," to the point of being snobbish. They can isolate themselves from others and spend extended periods alone, meditating on their feelings and desires.   Type 4's are sometimes slow to take action because they would rather spend time in their imaginative fantasy worlds than operating in reality.   You might be a Type 4 if you: Spend a lot of energy on creative pursuits, or find you enjoy them the most Easily celebrate or notice the things about others that you find to be unique Focus on your emotions and enjoy spending time processing through them Can be dramatic and temperamental, sometimes moody   Have a coworker who might be a Type 4? You can care for that person by: Giving them the space they need to process their emotions Refraining from calling them too emotional or sensitive Supporting them in their creativity and inviting them to share it     Type 5: The Intellectual Those who are a Type 5 on the Enneagram are motivated by the need to gain knowledge. When they were younger, they felt overwhelmed by what was required of them in their family. As a result, they retreated into their minds, where they felt safer.  This often led to them spending long periods alone and away from others, reading, studying, or tinkering with things to figure out how they worked.   At their best, people who are Type 5 are incredibly intelligent. They have a zest for knowledge and an uncanny ability to spend long periods of time focused on one thing. They are objective in how they view the world and situations, and they are complex in their thought patterns. They are often very good at a few specific things and are innovative and inventive.   When they are in average space, Type 5's can spend more time in their heads than they do in the world. They find their minds to be a playground that they feel is safer than spending time engaging people. They can be observers in social situations and very stingy with information about themselves. They can also hoard their time and energy.   In unhealthy space, 5's are cut off from the world, recluse, and socially detached. They focus too long on their interests and neglect their relationships or other healthy space for themselves. As a result, they can appear selfish, miserly, and uncaring.   Type 5's are slow to take action because they would instead observe someone else living in a moment than actually living it themselves. They also prefer thinking to doing and can spend long periods in their minds.   You might be a type 5 if you: Find that you synthesize information quickly and objectively Enjoy learning and gaining lots of information about the topics that you find interesting Often choose to spend your social time on the periphery rather than engaging with others Don't give a lot of time or attention to your feelings   Have a coworker who might be a Type 5? You can care for that person by: Recognize that they divvy out their energy according to their needs and often have difficulty finding additional energy for things they didn't plan for. Ask them questions about themselves and give them the time and space they need to answer them. Be respectful of their desire sometimes to be alone or observe rather than participate.   Type 9: The Peacemaker Those who are a Type 9 on the Enneagram need to avoid conflict. They likely grew up in an environment where they were overlooked or assumed to be the child that was "always fine" or had minimal needs. This led to them feeling like they couldn't exert their needs or be different from those around them.   At their best, Type 9's are beautiful peacemakers. They recognize harmony in the world around them and know how to create it wherever they go, especially in groups of people. They are good at identifying who they are and what they need in a way that isn't demanding or aggressive. They are in tune with those around them without pacifying others to avoid conflict.   Type 9's can fade into the background when they are in average space or become people pleasers. They work hard to keep the peace inside themselves and in the world around them, which can lead to them becoming like the people they are with instead of who they indeed are. They can feel like their presence doesn't matter.   In an unhealthy space, 9's can disappear in a crowd, fall entirely asleep to themselves, or exhibit a type of laziness called "sloth" as a means to avoid the conflict of life. They can be scattered and busy without completing essential tasks, and they can appear "spacey" neglectful, or unresponsive.   Type 9's are often very task-oriented but have a hard time prioritizing their tasks. As a result, their inaction can look like simply neglecting to do the things they meant to do while doing many other things instead.   You might be a Type 9 if you: Find that you have a hard time asserting yourself, particularly when you recognize that you should. Spend a lot of time trying not to "rock the boat." Often exert a sense of calm no matter the situation. Have a hard time identifying what you need.   Have a coworker who might be a Type 9? You can care for that person by: Responding well when they do assert themselves, especially when it's surprising Recognizing that they feel conflict very profoundly, what might feel like a minor hiccup to you could feel like a car crash to them. Notice that what may look like simple procrastination can be a conflict that they are avoiding.   If you felt uncomfortable reading about the 4, 5, or 9, then perhaps that number describes you. Once you identify this, please reach out, and we can dive deeper into the number that might represent you.   Next, we'll look at the dependent numbers 1, 2, and 6.   Need more?  Check out Ashley's 1st appearance on The Impact of Leadership Podcast! Contact Ashley through her website. Join the Impact of Leadership Community today FOR FREE! Go to our YouTube and LinkedIn pages for more encouraging content.